Adulthood

SCREWBOAT
Bruv have you seen Adulthood?

LAMBSHANK
Yeah man that is serious!

SCREWBOAT
I know! It captures urban youth culture so effectively, particularly with its use of colloquial language, and with a gritty sense of realism that is as edifying as it is disturbing.

LAMBSHANK
What?

SCREWBOAT
Nah I was just saying like how my man was topboy and then he got moved up still.

LAMBSHANK
Seen seen.

Lyrics

SCREWBOAT
I thought of the sickest lyric last night just when I was about to go sleep.

LAMBSHANK
How’d it go?

SCREWBOAT
I can’t remember. I think it was something to do with roofing.

LAMBSHANK
Roofing?

SCREWBOAT
Yeah but I can’t remember.

LAMBSHANK
Later. Sounds next.

SCREWBOAT
I know.

Political

LAMBSHANK
You know what, if Russia tried to invade us I wouldn’t have it blud.

SCREWBOAT
Nah, I’d switch.

LAMBSHANK
I’d ring my cousin from East. They got armies man, serious.

SCREWBOAT

Is it? What have they got tanks and that?

LAMBSHANK
Nah but they could blatently link some.

SCREWBOAT
What they got planes?

LAMBSHANKProbably.

SCREWBOAT
Submarines?

LAMBSHANK
Blud, why you gonna need a submarine if Russia invades London?

SCREWBOAT
So that you can hide in the river Thames and then pop up and start murkin guys.

LAMBSHANK
Oh yeah truesay. That would be sick.

SCREWBOAT
Russia wouldn’t chuck it anyway.

LAMBSHANK
Nah they know.

SCREWBOAT
We got too many tugs.

LAMBSHANK
Ezackly.

SCREWBOAT
We got more stabbings than anywhere in the world I reckon.

LAMBSHANK
We got bare stabbings.

SCREWBOAT

That shit speaks loud to other countries. Like, if you come try invade us you will get stabbed up. Rags.

LAMBSHANK
See the government think that knife crime is bad yeah but they’re just dumb blood. Knife crime is positive. It’s protection.

SCREWBOAT
From Russia.

LAMBSHANK
Yeah basically.

SCREWBOAT

And also from random brears who chuck it on road.

LAMBSHANK
Or won’t give you their phone.

SCREWBOAT
Ezackly.

A poem

Time Lines

Granny’s only forty but she’s already had a heart attack,

Another on the way and I wonder if she knows it,

Footsteps will be followed all the way to the end,

Filling shoes that are handed down,

Indifferent because they will never be yours,

Dreams that are lost before they are realised,

Young eyes see clearer than the clouded young mind,

Frustrated elders watching the lost youth,

Decision makers, time takers – who is really happiest?

Drawing Inspiration

A homeless man is lying on a park bench with two cans of drink. He looks miserable. Noticing something taped underneath the bench, he finds a drawing of himself lying on the park bench with two cans of drink and looking miserable. The next day the man returns and finds another drawing, it is almost identical but this time includes a thought bubble which reads “What would I be without the drink?” The homeless man smiles and drinks. Returning once again the next day, the man is disappointed to find that there is no drawing.

He checks every day and for the next week there are no drawings. He grows thoughtful and spends a lot of time lying on the bench looking at the drawings. The next day the homeless man returns to the bench without any drink. He looks different. The man sits upright and looks about him, seeming to acknowledge the surroundings for the first time. He is approached by a child who speaks to him and shows off his football skills while the man watches and applauds. The boy passes him the ball but he shakes his head and passes it back awkwardly. The boy looks disappointed. In an attempt to redeem himself, the man does a coin trick. The little boy is amazed and runs off to tell his friends.

The next day the man returns looking smart; he finds a drawing taped underneath the bench. It is him performing the coin trick. The man smiles and looks around. He doesn’t have any drink with him. Later we see the boy once again showing off his football skills and passing the man the ball. This time the man laughs, pulls out a deck of cards and shuffles them effortlessly. Suddenly there is a group of children sitting cross legged on the floor, their eyes wide with excitement.

The next day the little boy comes to the bench but the man is not there. He notices something stuck to the bottom of the bench. It is a pack of cards.

The End

Shit happens

This is based on characters that you would see in the park before school. Garian is actually a real person; on a school trip he once crushed a raw egg in his hand because a teacher told him he wouldn't be able to. I think Garian is more of an inspiration than he will ever know.

A Park. Four schoolchildren huddle round in a circle, from the centre of which grey smoke puffs out at regular intervals.

Greg
I need a shit

James
Yeah I always get that man. Zoots makes you need to shit, it’s a laxative I think.

Greg
So’s coffee. And all I’ve had for breakfast is coffee and spliffs so it’s not looking good for my insides.

James
(laughs) Yeah man.

A tall dark-skinned boy appears, he is partly in school uniform but the clothes are too small and have the effect of making him look overgrown. He is wearing his hood up and looks agitated. The two silent boys walk away slowly in the opposite direction as he approaches. James looks up and nods to him uneasily. Greg looks down at his feet uneasily.

James
Yes Garian. What’s up man?

Garian
Blood, what’s dat your smokin’?

James
Safe Garian, it’s a spliff.

Garian
Yeah yeah yeah pass dat pass dat.

He takes the spliff and smokes it quickly, as though in a rush, taking three or four pulls at a time before blowing out clouds of smoke at the boys.

Garian
What is it cool if I finish this ting? There’s only a couple bun left.

James
Yeah man fuck it. (attempting to be jovial) It’s just making us need to shit anyway!

Garian
What?

James
(awkwardly) Nah we were saying that it’s… like a laxative… like coffee…

Garian
You lot chat shit man. Who are you blud?

James
I’m James… blud. Yeah man, I’m in your Graphics class. With that prick Mr John.

Garian
Yeah blood yeah blood. What have you got a pound?

James
Nah man, nah.
Garian
What about you bredrin?

Greg
(clearing his throat) No I… left my money…

Garian
Don’t chat shit. Come on man I know you got a pound man.

Greg
Nah I don’t. I have a packed lunch.

Garian
Packed lunch ya nah! Joker. What, so if I was to make you jump, I wouldn’t hear any money in your pockets?

Greg
You…might hear my keys…

Garian
Later I bet you got bare p.

Garian goes to pat Gregs pockets but Greg steps back.

Greg
Allow it Garian.

Garian
What you mean allow it? You don’t know me.Who you movin’ away from?

Greg (lookin at James)
Fuck man…

James
What?

Greg
I think I just shit myself…

He reaches down the back of his trousers and when he pulls his hand out it’s covered with poo. At first he seems shocked and embarrassed but quickly his whole demeanour shifts and suddenly he stands tall, taking a step towards Garian and pointing his fingers at Garian as if it were a gun. James smiles and looks at Garian.

James
Oh shit! That is fucked…

Greg
Now what the fuck did you want big man?

Garian
(not backing down but evidently fazed) What are you gonna do with that blood? I got machines blood you don’t wanna fuck about.

Greg
(snatching the spliff off him with his clean hand) Give me that shit man. And go fuckin’ beg for money somewhere else you fuckin’ little cunt.

Garian
Nah blood, you’re fuckin wrong blood. Fuckin’ shittin’on yourself…

Greg
(coming at him with his hand outstretched) Get the fuck out my face before I give you a slap that you won’t forget.

Garian
(turning to James) What blood? You fink this is joke? What have you got for me?

James
(after pausing for a while with a strained expression) The same thing man.

He reaches back and reveals his hand is also covered with shit. He is laughing wildly.

Garian
Don’t try boy me, you know I’ll see you brears in school…

James
Oh shit… I can’t believe we just did that. That's pretty fuckin' mad.

Greg
I know, he’s such a fuckin’ donut. As If I’d actually shit myself (he pulls out a messy snickers bar from his back pocket and laughs)

James
(his expression changes suddenly) Yeah... See you later.

Badmanz intro

Badmanz is an animation which so far has yet to see the light of day. We have recorded an intro skit and theme music and basically this is a storyboard to try and give an idea of what this intro/advert could look like. This is for Timbo, mostly because he is an animator but also because he is the only person who seems to read this blog. To be honest this is something I drew because more because I wanted to use my felt tips than any other reason but let me know your thoughts. Obviously this is not the most inspiring story board ever created but I'm hoping it will give you more of an idea of how the intro could look.