Back of the Bus III

LAMBSHANK
Come we link a bens.

SCREWBOAT
I ain’t got any funds bruv.

LAMBSHANK
I beg you shank your nan and take a tenner out of her purse.

SCREWBOAT
Fuck that. That’s your answer to everything man.

LAMBSHANK
Nah it aint.

SCREWBOAT
Yeah it is. No money for McDonalds, Screwboat I beg you shank your nan… No money for cinema, Screwboat I beg you shank your nan. I ain’t shankin her anymore. She’s shook to answer the door, I have to pretend I’m selling windows and shit. Why don’t YOU you shank YOUR nan?

LAMBSHANK
I shanked my nan so you could pay bus fare blud!

SCREWBOAT
Nah you didn’t. I would never pay bus fare. Man a shank a bus driver for tryna make me pay bus fare. I’m still getting on for free when I’m a grandad bruv watch. I’ll still say I’m child fare you get me!

LAMBSHANK
You get a grandad pass when you’re a grandad.

SCREWBOAT
Shut up.

LAMBSHANK
Anyway, I’ve shanked my nan bare times for you. You’re a dickhead.

SCREWBOAT
(after a long pause) What else can we shank?

LAMBSHANK
I dunno... Anything...

SCREWBOAT
Yeah... The other day I shanked the microphone while I was spittin’ cos I got so aggy!

LAMBSHANK
Yeah I did that a few times still… still… We could shank each others nans?

SCREWBOAT
Yeah blud! Aite let's do it!

LAMBSHANK
(pauses) What is shank?